We got together in January after a good three months of him trying to persuade me to get with him. He feel in love with me so hard at first and the first two months of our relationship were perfect, I had never been so happy in my life.
He broke up with me in the beginning of April, he liked another girl and he didn’t want to continue the relationship if he was just going to end up hurting me. We managed to be apart for 3 weeks with a struggle because we had a few setbacks (booty calls or whatever you like to call them).
The day we got back together I was so happy; he told me that he loved me and how much he needs me. The next day at school though were back to being barely friends. I was so confused, I couldn’t understand it. I asked him in the week ‘what is this like have I missed something?’ and he answered with we are just seeing each other. During this week so many people told me to leave him but I had only just got him back and I was too scared. That weekend we spent apart and I cheated on him. I kissed some other guy and I did it because I was desperate to get some sort of reaction out of him which it did. He was very angry, I told him it wasn’t a big deal because we were just seeing each other were he replied with but you knew that I still loved you. This I denied and rightly so I explained that he didn’t show his feelings for me, he wouldn’t hold my hand, he wouldn’t talk to me and how that was so painful for me. Anyway after that heavy talk we got properly back together and after 4 long agonising weeks I was finally happy again. He was finally treating me right and had my everything back.
Later that week I found out I wasn’t the only one who had been unfaithful on that weekend. I found out that he had slept with one of his friends that live in London. He didn’t deny it. I didn’t know how to deal with it. I wasn’t angry, I just felt sick but I had him so everything was okay. I still don’t know how to cope with it. I think he thinks that I’ve shrugged it off but I haven’t.
None the less after that we had good two weeks of us being together.
Up until now, where we have fallen out about something so silly and I have just about had enough of him constantly manipulating and hurting me.
But I just love him too much.
I don’t know what to do.Should i give him up? Or am i over reacting?
2DUNSPREAD REPLY:
You and he were able to have a "heavy talk" before you got back together. In that talk, you were able to be truthful with each other about your indescretions while you were apart. You both need to keep honest communication going.
Although you only kissed another guy and he actually slept with another girl, the implications of what each of you did may be somewhat similar. You'd been feeling hurt and rejected by the one you love at the time you found yourself attracted to another guy. Is it possible that your boyfriend was also feeling hurt and rejected by you when he slept with another girl? Or, he may have been feeling less for you than complete commitment because he was unsure of his feelings, and from that uncertainty, it was easy for him to have a casual sexual encounter.
Breaking up with someone you love hurts...a lot. It can take a long time to feel okay and become happy enough with yourself again to attract another relationship.
Post-break-up is a very vulnerable time...unless you know yourself and are strong enough to take the agonizing period of pain, you can easily be taken advantage of by other guys who will see your vulnerability. Rebounds are almost always a mistake, never about love, and will surely add to your emotional pain, extending the time it takes to recover.
In thinking about breaking up, you need to ask yourself a few key questions before you make your decision:
1) Is he the right guy for you?
2) Do you love him enough to accept his faults?
3) Can you develop more trust and communication with him?
4) For the most part, do you feel loved and happy with him?
5) Does he have the same level (or close enough) of commitment to the relationship that you do?
6) Do you trust that he loves you enough to commit to your relationship and not cheat again?
Perhaps you could open up some communication with him. Don't do it from a blame perspective, as that would put him on the defensive (I know this, as blaming is a mistake I've made, and it just pushed him further away and closed communication). It's delicate.
Remember, you weren't exactly faithful either.
Love is beautiful, but faithfulness in love isn't automatic for everyone. When there are doubts about the level of commitment, trust can erode and people often do stupid things that usually destroy the relationship.
You say that you love him. If you have any doubts as to whether or not you should break up with him, then DON'T DO IT! Give it time, communicate softly, and try to work it out with him.
If he's not willing to work it out with you, then you need to realize that he may not be as in to you as you are in to him, and from that understanding, you can make a better choice.
If he loves you and wants to work it out, but you break up with him while you're still in love with him, your lonely heart will most likely regret it for a long time to come.
Good luck!
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