Everyone feels terror upon reading the familiar headline: Lone gunman, seemingly without provocation, opens fire on innocent people. Yet we're much more likely to suffer lasting physical, emotional, and financial damage at the hands of an out-of-control family member, crazy coworker, or psychotic neighbor.
Using my experience as an FBI profiler, I identified four dangerous personalities whose behaviors range from mildly irritating to deadly. These clues into their thoughts and behaviors can curb your risk of being exploited or hurt. They may even save your life.
*People may exhibit one or all of these traits. However, please note that these are provided as a guideline and not meant for diagnosis.
THE PARANOID
Consumed by irrational mistrust, their suspicions know no bounds. When crossed, rejected, or embarrassed they may lash out emotionally or physically.
Likely To Be Found: Scouring a partner's e-mails or texts for signs of infidelity, incessantly worrying that everyone is talking about her, or trying to convince you of the latest pseudoscience remedy
Case Studies: The driver who tailgates you because she's convinced you cut her off intentionally; the coworker who frequently files complaints, then questions why others got promotions and he didn't; the conspiracy-theory-believing neighbor
Their Effect On You: Trying to placate a paranoid personality can make you tense, irritable, and edgy. Family members often report feeling emotionally broken down by them.
Red Flags:
1. Seems overly suspicious
2. Is moralistic and judgmental
3. Conversations with him regularly devolve into diatribes
4. Repeatedly gets into arguments with his superiors
5. Swears by his beliefs, even in the face of contrary evidence
6. Gets jealous without cause
7. Has an unrelenting, one-track mind about a particular issue
8. Is easily insulted
9. Dislikes or hates those who are different
10. Has few friends
THE EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE
Changeable as the weather and far less predictable, these high-maintenance types careen from one end of the emotional spectrum to the other.
Likely To Be Found: Stockpiling perceived slights to use in future arguments, demanding your undivided attention 24-7, or flirting shamelessly with people they shouldn't
Case Studies: The friend who manipulates others by regularly threatening to hurt himself; the ex who repeatedly breaks up with you, then begs you to come back; the temperamental boss everyone tiptoes around
Their Effect On You: Dealing with their emotional highs and lows drains you and can cause anxiety and chronic stress.
Red Flags:
1. Prone to all-or-nothing thinking
2. Has an overwhelming need for someone to love him exclusively
3. Has outbursts that are disproportionate to the circumstances
4. Always needs to have the last word
5. Displays severe mood swings
6. Turns against friends and loved ones without cause
7. Frequently falls apart under stress
8. Is unreliable or unstable
9. Has intense but short-lived relationships
10. Has vandalized or destroyed the property of a former coworker, friend, roommate, or lover
THE PREDATOR
Unfettered by emotional attachments, conscience, morals, or even laws, these types of people are pros at detecting—and exploiting—others' weaknesses.
Likely To Be Found: Breaking into your home, scamming you out of your savings, or slipping something into your drink at the bar
Case Studies: Serial rapists; murderers; career criminals
Their Effect On You: Around them, you may feel uneasy or unnerved. They may even make your skin crawl or your hair stand on end.
Red Flags:
1. Has a history of breaking the law
2. Enjoys lying, or lies even when she doesn't have to
3. Seems indifferent to others' troubles
4. Has used force or intimidation to obtain sex
5. Is haughty, opinionated, and arrogant
6. Has deliberately hurt family or friends
7. Is reckless—may speed or drive drunk
8. Doesn't seem to learn from her mistakes
9. Gains the trust of others for the sake of taking advantage of them
10. People have commented they feel uncomfortable around him or don't trust him
THE NARCISSIST
Plenty of people love the limelight, but narcissists cheat, lie, and scheme to be number one, unconcerned with how others are affected.
Likely To Be Found: Backstabbing you out of a promotion, always arriving late to parties or meetings, or cutting in front of you in the checkout line
Case Studies: The office mean girl; the boyfriend who belittles his partner in front of others; the friend who borrows money—and never returns it
Their Effect On You: Because your needs pale in comparison with theirs, narcissists can make you feel small, unhappy, frustrated, or stressed out.
Red Flags:
1. Puts others down to make herself seem superior
2. Blames everyone but himself when things don't go his way
3. Has an overinflated ego
4. Acts entitled; expects special treatment
5. Has a limited ability to empathize
6. Shamelessly name-drops
7. Obsessed with his appearance
8. Never asks questions about you—every conversation is about him
9. Needs to be the center of attention
10. Insists on having the best house, car, electronics, jewelry, and clothes, even when she can't afford it
The Strongest Defense
It's best to totally avoid sketchy types. If you can't, use these strategies to protect yourself.
Take notes. If someone lashes out at you, hits you, stalks you, or harasses you, write it down. You may need a record to take to HR, the police, or a lawyer.
Refuse to be rushed. Dangerous types create urgency—they'll push you to hire them, sign the contract, write the check, or let them in the door. Set your own pace.
Build a support network. Make sure friends and family know you're being mistreated; someday you may need them to step in and help.
Watch the clock. Interpersonal violence increases between 8 p.m. and 2 a.m. This doesn't mean you shouldn't go out during these hours, but be extra vigilant after dark.
Set boundaries. Shady people will want you to accommodate their every whim. Failing to reward their bad behavior will make you less of a target.
Do your research. Never let a repairman into your home, leave a babysitter with your child, or allow someone to handle your finances without checking their references.
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