There is a right way and a wrong way of doing everything. Whether you are driving a car, cooking dinner or playing around, you have to know the rules and take it from there. Especially when you call the shots and make the moves, and the name of the game is liberated love.
(If you’re going to do it like everyone else, you have to talk like everyone else.)
• A thing— affairs are no longer referred to as affairs. They are in the Seventies called “things”, as “I have a thing going” or “I’m having this thing.”
• A relationship— one step up from a thing. You are asking for his mind as well as his body, as in “he and I are having a relationship.”
• Into him— the moment you are thinking of having a thing, or a relationship, as in “the guy I’m into now.”
• The guy— what to call him if you are not living with him, as in “the guy I’m going with” (that is the most secure position you can be in when you’re not living together) and the most frequently used “the guy I’m sort of seeing” (because you are afraid to assume anything more).
• Man— when you’re living with him, all of a sudden he changes from a guy to a man, as in “my man,” “the man I’m into,” “the man I’m having a thing with” or “the man who’s leasing me his apartment” (the last to be used by liberated women when they are talking to their grandmothers- and only when it’s a grandmother). He can also be referred to as your old man but never as your young man (old people say young man and young people say old man.)
Rule 2: Forget the Cliches
• Answer the phone Saturday night and always pick up before it rings twice.
• Stop worrying about what the doorman thinks. Never blame it on what you had to drink.
• Don’t rush home to take a bath first.
• Don’t worry about who pays.
• And don’t expect one perfect rose, a thank you note or call the next morning.
Rule 3: Find The Line That Works
(To get him to your place)
• “I have this really funny bed.”
• “Don’t worry, I’ll take you home in a cab.”
• “I’m allergic to anything but satin sheets.”
• “I have a view you wouldn’t believe, also.”
Rule 4: Initiate Sex
• Remember how men do it (get close, share a chair, un-button his shirt) but don’t be as sneaky.
Rule 5: Break Off Fast
• Tell him the truth.
No comments:
Post a Comment