Today, I just don’t feel like covering up. I just want some fresh air. Don’t feel like wearing jean or a long skirt, I just want to wear something skimpy. Yes, judge me!
A lady walks the street in her mini-gown and I can clearly see eyes trolling her. Some immediately tag her as irresponsible and possibly a slut.
I wore a gown one day and for the need to be “stylish,” I decided to garnish it with a pop socks underneath. Passers-by stared at me like I was naked, which got me a bit confused. Is the socks the problem, or the gown, or the combination in its entirety?” “This is so decent,” I thought! It then dawned on me that we have a problem. Who sets the standard for what is decent and what isn’t?
Society today has set a high standard for female dressing. I walk the streets and see men dress with their boxers popping out, yet no one sees the need to sexually violate them. If a lady does the same, she’s inviting rape. “Abeg, is rape a party or an event?”
Many have linked the new mode of dressing to the ills of civilization. If I remember clearly that our grandmothers back in the days rarely wore long skirts except the “Deeper Life” sisters as they were referred as.
Young ladies in the 1960s era used to tie wrapper over their chest, their belly button exposed and just a few piece of clothe to cover the lower part. That style was never a problem! It was the most decent way of dressing. A girl in the city dresses along this pattern in form of a top and skirt, in a different fabric, and all hell let’s loose. What exactly is the problem? The (imported) fabric?
I asked my grandmother and she said every girl wanted to flaunt her belly button as it was a means of attracting prospective suitors. I also inquired if that style of dressing ever attracted sexual harassment; she said NO! Interesting, I thought!
Presently, some grandmothers (of that era as previously mentioned) also see girls in mini-skirt and make an unfriendly side-rolling eye or gesture. Why have things suddenly changed?
Should I say our sudden exposure set the standard? Or better still is our personal sense of “knowing what’s better” the cause? I think the problem boils down to individual perception/standard! I would rather see a lady wear a short skirt with every other area of her body covered, rather than a girl with a long skirt slit towards her thigh and a shirt bearing cleavage. That is my own standard!
What has changed? Is it societal values or the sudden need to be a judge! Who set these values anyway or are we being protective of our women because we do not want them to become overly westernised?
While working at the United Nations Headquarters, I saw high-profiled women (aka women with high timber and mahogany) in outfits I probably would not wear! I know they say “how you are dressed is how you will be addressed,” but does this push me to disrespect those women or view them as irresponsible? Not all! Ise fo bo lowo mi ni straight! As far as they are concerned, they dressed to suit their body shape and mood, not for me to think good about them! If I don’t like it, it should be my problem not theirs.
I was on a bus and I immediately noticed a bus conductor hitting the bum of a “paraga” seller all because he felt she wore something too short (based on his own standard!) I was moved to tapping his (long) head for having his boxers pop out. I mean, who made you the judge when you know no better!
I attended a Lagos State Ministry event where the moderator immediately made reference to modest dressing. In her words, “I see Senators and Presidents amongst you. Your dress sense determines a lot with regards to your future.” I felt “does this mean because I wear a mini-skirt you don’t approve of will affect my future? What is the correlation? On the other hand, a keynote speaker said, “if it is hot (in Nigeria) and I feel like walking naked on the road, did I ask you to come and rape me?” Finally, someone is thinking along my line!
Many (ignorant) people link rape/sexual harassment to indecent dressing. Holla!!! Wake up call! Even nuns and ladies with hijabs (with all due respect) get sexually assaulted. Let’s move from the norm of sexually violating women because of how they are dressed. Women dress to feel comfortable with their body. Some deal with self-esteem issues and only perceive dressing “sexy” as therapy. If in your own opinion she’s not dressed modest and you are having “agro,” face front, and sing praise and worship to God (I’m sure He would like that).
I am not making excuses for unnecessary flaunting of bodies, however, I feel women should be given a break with the issue of “indecent dressing!” I’ve met so many rape victims, who told me that their rapists used “rape” as a punitive measure. Someone is “indecently” dressed based on your own standards and you rape to correct? Oga sir, who has committed the worst crime?
To be honest, you have no right whatsoever to judge how someone else dresses. What makes you feel your own mode of dressing is more honourable than your neighbours’? Aunty, your iro and buba without underskirt inside is what? Decent? Or brothers, those shirts you wear, which you refuse to button with your (extremely dirty/bushy) chest being bare is decent?
So I ask again, who set the standard for “decent dressing?”
Endnote: One man’s opinion on decency is filth before other men.
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