Sex is fun, it makes one feel good, and it is a great way to be physically and emotionally close to your partner. But without an orgasm, it can be a less satisfying experience for both people involved, says, Isadora Alman, MFT, a board-certified sexologist and psychotherapist in private practice in Alameda, California. According to Isadora, there could be physical or emotional reasons why couples are not experiencing sexual climax, but the right diagnosis and possibly sex therapy could teach them how to attain orgasm and have a satisfying sexual relationship.
Help is available for both sexes, Isadora affirmed, because this is not about a female orgasm issue. While some women may have difficulty achieving an orgasm and may never have truly experienced one, men also can have orgasm difficulties as well, especially if there are physical or emotional issues at play in the relationship
Some of the problems which could lead to lack of orgasm by both male and female include: not having an orgasm at all, having a delayed orgasm or taking a long time or needing a lot of stimulation to achieve orgasm, not having a satisfactory orgasm, delayed ejaculation, ejaculation without orgasm, among others.
Some potential causes of these problems in women and men could be problems in the relationship; boredom in the bedroom, an emotional or physical trauma, like rape or abuse, health conditions which affect the nerves or hormone level, being shy or embarrassed about sex, lack of education about orgasm, sex, and most times, the best way to stimulate you sexually.
Side effect of certain medications, including some antidepressants and fear can also make both sexes not to experience orgasm.
Another explanation could be psychological. Physiologically, couples may not be getting the right stimulation. If either a man or a woman is used to achieving an orgasm with his or her own hand, someone else’s touch and body part might seem strange, she explains.
According to Alman, many doctors and even certain therapists do not have training in sexuality and sexual problems, so if you are experiencing difficulty achieving an orgasm, seeing a sex therapist may help root out the reason and get the right treatment. A sex therapist can also help determine if your problem is physical or psychological. If it is physical, he or she should refer you to the physician.
To help identify the problem, you should be prepared for topics which will include a frank discussion of your current partners, or probably if you masturbate and the nature of your symptoms. Also, another issue could be about your expectations of sex and what you want to achieve in your sex life. Courtesy: Webnet.com
What to do
• If there is a medical problem to blame, your doctor will prescribe the appropriate treatment. And if the cause is psychological, working with a sex therapist can help.
• For the female orgasm, a woman should learn how to orgasm by herself and realise exactly what kind of stimulation it takes, including whether she needs to fantasise in order to have an orgasm, says Alman, “Once she knows physically that she needs ‘x’ amount of stimulation, she should look at what is going on in her relationship. Is she comfortable asking for what she wants? First it is physiological, and then it is relational.”
• For men, the process is similar. Alman says she’ll ask about a male patient’s masturbation processes and what feels different when he’s masturbating than when having intercourse with a partner.
• Part of the solution for both sexes is that when it comes to sex, you should be able to talk about it with your partner. Whether you want to achieve multiple orgasms or just feel uninhibited in the bedroom, you have to be open about your wants and needs.
• While it is very normal to be embarrassed to talk about these intimate issues or be afraid of your partner’s reaction, you have to open up.
• Talk about what you want, what you like, and what you need because if orgasm difficulties are affecting you, they’re also affecting your partner. Talking about sex and intimacy will only bring you closer together, and help ignite the fireworks you’re looking for in the bedroom.
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