Shopping for sex toys can be a lot like online dating: awkward, overwhelming, and difficult to separate the high-quality ones from the duds. What’s the difference between battery-powered and plug-in? Does the voltage really matter? And for goodness sake, do you really need one that looks like a penis? “Like any other luxury product, a sex toy should be considered and thought out, because when you invest in a sex toy, you're making an investment in your personal pleasure,” says Kathryn Catney, who represents the Swedish sex toy brand LELO. And that’s exactly why you ought to think about these six things before you bring one home with you.
1. First, Consider the Shape and Sensations You Crave
When you think of a vibrator, the first thing that comes to mind is probably a big penis made of plastic. While wand-like vibrators are a classic option (and many women do love them), they can be a little intimidating for a first-time viber.
So how do you know which shape to look for? First, think about how you typically self-pleasure: Are you focusing on the clitoris or the G-spot (or both)? Do you enjoy intense and localized sensations, or do you prefer sensations spread around the vulva? Do you self-pleasure the same way every time, or do you need something that can perform in a variety ways?
“There are four basic types of vibrators,” explains Claire Cavanah, co-founder of Babeland and co-author of Moregasm: Babeland’s Guide to Mind-Blowing Sex. “Some work best on the outside, others work best inside. G-spot vibes have a curve on the tip and dual-action vibes have both internal and external components.”
If you like the spread-out sensations on your vulva, Jimmy Jane’s Form 2 is an excellent—and totally non-phallic—option. For something more clit-focused, try a bullet vibrator, like Babeland’s super simple Buzz Vibe.
What if you have no idea whether you want internal or external stimulation? In this case, go with the internal one. “Generally, we recommend choosing a toy that can be used internally, even if you don't intend to use it internally,” says Catney. “That's because internal massagers can be just as effectively used externally, so you're killing two birds with one stone, and you have a more versatile sex toy." Just make sure you find one with a girth that feels comfortable.
2. Visit an Actual Store
Once you’re ready to take the plunge, visit an actual store. You can learn a lot from reading about toys online, but at a store, you can test the vibrations and see the toy up close.
“There are many possibilities! Shopping for a vibrator is way more fun than most shopping experiences,” says Cavanah. “You get to go to an interesting boutique, learn about different styles, and discover entirely new ways to find sexy pleasures.” And there’s no shame in walking out of a store with a discreet shopping bag, filled with a pretty little package that’s just for you.
3. Check the Materials
Just like you wouldn’t buy an expensive piece of clothing without first checking the label (Is it dry clean only? Will it wrinkle?), it’s essential to look at what a sex toy is made of before buying it.
“Silicone is our favorite, and many well-known brands use only medical-grade silicone,” says Cavanah. “It transmits vibration well and it’s non-porous and easy to clean with soap and water, making it healthy and safe for the body. Hard plastic is also easy to clean. Avoid jelly rubber, it contains phthalates, which are banned for use in children’s products but unregulated in bedroom toys.”
4. Make Sure You Like the Look
No matter how powerful the vibrator is, it would be a huge mistake to buy something you think looks scary, garish, or aesthetically unappealing. Catney says that the aesthetics of a vibrator are almost as important as what it does—after all, this is something you’re using to get turned on. So skip that hot pink vibe unless you absolutely love the way it looks.
“Pick the one that tickles that sexy part of your imagination,” says Cavanah. “Desire and aesthetic are deeply personal and entwined, so pick the vibrator (or vibrators) that speak to you.”
By the same token, if you’re nervous about having something that’sobviously a sex toy sitting on your nightstand, opt for something discrete. Sex toy retailer Picobong makes a toy called the Transformer, which looks vaguely reminiscent of a pair of headphones, and can be used as a clitoral massager, G-spot vibrator, or penis ring—all in one. LELO’s Ora 2, which mimics the sensation of oral sex, is round, adorned with gold, and totally unlike any other vibrator. It’s so pretty that you could probably have the thing out on your coffee table and no one would know it was a sex toy.
5. Listen To It Buzz
If you live in a place where the walls are thin, then it’s worthwhile to find a vibe that won’t sound like you’re revving up a chainsaw every time you use it. Sometimes, the noise level will correlate with the intensity or power of the vibrator, but with high-end products, that won’t be as much of an issue.
“Most of us prefer a quiet vibe, and spending a little extra money will ensure your new sex toy is made from the quality materials that help dampen noise,” said Catney. One way to find a quiet-but-powerful tool is to hunt down materials that muffle sound. “Silicone is great for this, and it's great for your body too.”
If you’re worried that a quiet vibe will compromise the intensity of the sensations, Cavanah recommends testing the vibrator on your hand—or on the tip of your nose, which is more sensitive—to see how it feels.
6. Consider the Bells and Whistles
The spectrum of features is endless: You can find bare-bones vibes for little more than $10, or you can go all-out with diamond-encrusted, gold-plated tools. Deciding which features you want is totally personal—and depends on your budget—and you can always start with something simple and then upgrade later.
At the very least, Cavanah suggests looking for a vibrator with multiple intensity levels. “You can more easily customize it to your mood and the situation. Sometimes, you might want to use it for foreplay only with a partner and other days you might want it to take you there. The more range that it has, the more easily you can adapt it into your sex life.”
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