Quick poll: Have you ever walked into a party, realized that you basically knew no one, and felt totally awkward? We're guessing you answered in the affirmative (we've all been there). Get-togethers—whether it's a business-networking event or your friend's birthday party—can be intimidating. So we asked Susan RoAne—author of the recently released 25th anniversary edition of
How to Work a Room: The Ultimate Guide to Making Lasting Connections—in Person and Online—for her tips on how to make those events less daunting and more fun. "In every room, there are people who you want to meet, people who become long-term colleagues, long-term friends, long-term relationships," says RoAne. Here's how to make an impression on every single one of them:
Know the News
Your homework before you head to a party: "Be well read," says RoAne. "Have things to talk about." Current events are automatic chitchat topics. Check out Beyoncé's piece on gender inequality, have something to say about Tina and Amy's performance at the Golden Globes, and know the deets on that interesting new study that just came out. (But do stay away from politics, suggests RoAne.) Peace out, awkward silences!
Be the First One to Smile and Make Eye Contact
Yes, you may be willing to smile back at someone if they make the first move. But you'll meet way more people if you take a pro-active approach. "When someone smiles back at you, that gives you permission to go over to him or her," says RoAne. So find someone who's not currently engaged in a conversation and looks approachable, and look their way. If they grin back at you, that's a green light to head over there and start chatting them up.
Make Your Intro Memorable
RoAne is a proponent of the "self-introduction." It's a seven- to nine-second greeting that includes your name and—instead of your job title—one reason you're passionate about what you do. RoAne says she once met a man in a coffee shop and asked him what he did, to which he replied, "I help rich people sleep at night." He made his response so intriguing that she wanted to ask a follow-up question. (Turns out he was a financial planner, and they're still friends!) Similarly, if you say something compelling about what you do—rather than just rattling off your title—you'll strike up a much better conversation.
Pretend the Person You're Talking to is the Only One in the Room
"There is nothing more off-putting and insulting to people than to have someone talking to them and looking around to see who else is in the room," says RoAne. It might sound obvious, but you know you've had someone do this to you—so don't let yourself be guilty of this the next time you go to an event. Same goes for checking your phone mid-conversation.
Open Up About Yourself
"There are some people who will say you should ask people a lot of questions and get them to talk about themselves because that's their favorite subject," says RoAne. "I actually advise against that. If all you're doing is asking questions, that gets tedious, and people may think you're nosy." So ask that person about him or herself and comment on their responses, she says, but also go ahead and share your own stories. Just be sure to keep it upbeat and focus on topics that'll keep the chatter going so that you don't come off as too self-obsessed. You could say that you recently saw The Wolf of Wall Street, for example, or that you just got back from a vacation in Europe. As long as you're giving them room to respond to what you're saying, you're good.
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