Dating men of any age presents its own unique set of challenges: In high school you get fumbling boys, confused about where to put their body parts in relation to yours, despite their over-eagerness for the proximity. In their twenties men want to have as much sex with as many different women as possible.
Sometimes that will be you. Sometimes it won’t be. If you manage to settle down with one in their thirties you’ll still spend time tinkering with their training wheels, coaching them through their careers, mothering them, and turning them into the men they want to be. Of course in their forties and fifties all of that hard work will be undone in a blazing crisis of self that returns them squarely to stage one, armed this time with enough Viagra to pre-empt their premature excitement. For these reasons and others, my friend Megan O’Brien, a successful woman in her own right as the founder of the marketing agency Beauty Brander, almost exclusively dates men in their sixties and older.
We recently attended a wedding in Palm Springs together, a fancy affair with pool parties, fireworks, and a ceremony at the Empire Polo Club where they host the Coachella music festival. I’m 33, Megan is 37, and the majority of the guests who were not relatives of the bride or groom fell somewhere squarely in between.
Recently recovering from a relationship with a 65-year-old celebrity plastic surgeon in Los Angeles, Megan arrived to the wedding weekend licking her wounds, only to immediately be courted by the 72-year old uncle of the groom.
Pierce Brosnan will be 61 this May; Photo: Getty Images
“They can smell me a mile away,” she told me after she chatted with him about restaurants, real estate, his children, and his grandchildren, while the rest of us kids enjoyed a game of floating beer pong in the pool.
Alas, it wasn’t to be for Megan and Uncle Jack. Mrs. Uncle Jack was away somewhere in France, but the mother of the groom put the kibosh on the whole thing. “I don’t want you to get hurt, dear,” she whispered with reserved aplomb. “He is married, you know.”
Megan isn’t a homewrecker and by the time we made it back to Los Angeles, with the help of Tinder we found her another suitable match, Gary, 68, an accomplished businessman who lives in San Francisco, vacations in Palm Springs, and loves golf. Gary was smitten over message and they met up in between Los Angeles and Palm Springs a few days later. She thinks he might be her next husband.
Throughout the weekend, as I explained Megan’s preferences to my college girlfriends in their early thirties, they made a face like they had swallowed sour milk and erupted in a chorus of, “That’s gross,” “ewwwww,” and my personal favorite, “he’s like my grandpa.” To be fair, Uncle Jack was actually someone’s grandpa.
Megan’s quick-witted retort is to rattle off the names of male celebrities who are sexagenarians, septuagenarians, and even octogenarians who you would probably sleep with: Harrison Ford, 71, Clint Eastwood, 83, Jack Nicholson, 76, Robert Redford, 77.
Old guys aren’t my thing, but every time I ask my 30-something boyfriend to talk seriously about our future or shuffle through his apartment that has empty pizza boxes stacked on the dining room table, I can see the advantages of having had someone else remove the training wheels.
Megan dates older men because, as she says, they are men.
“It's not for everyone but I prefer to be with a man that has already conquered his world and wants to enjoy the rest of his life,” she told me. “I've been married to a man younger than myself. I had to train him. It's exhausting."
Megan can actually date her attraction to silver foxes back to childhood and a certain ex-President from the late 1980s/early 1990s: “I think this is all George H.W. Bush's fault,” she explains. “From an early age I just found older men to seem reliable and supportive. In middle school we had an assignment to write a letter to a famous person. I thought George H.W. Bush (he was president at the time) was the most handsome man in the world. The rest of my sixth grade class felt this way about Donnie Wahlberg. Donnie seemed like a loose cannon, much too unpredictable. Long story short, I worked really hard on my card to George H.W. His birthday was coming up so I did a charcoal drawing of his face and wrote a birthday message.”
The hard work paid off. “About three weeks later, I got a letter from the White House. It was a handwritten ‘thank you’ card from George Bush telling me I was a talented artist and a wonderful writer and to stick with it! [Ed. note: Perhaps he gave the same advice to his son?] No one ever heard back from The New Kids on the Block. What can we learn from this? Old men are polite and thoughtful and young guys are generally self-centered.”
Megan is so passionate about dating older that she made me a list (a good one) of the five reasons that dating men in their sixties is just preferable to dating men in their twenties and thirties and why we should all stop judging her for it.
1. I like a man's man. I like a strong man that was raised when it wasn't abnormal to open your door, pull out your chair, and carry a heavy bag. You can call it being a gentleman but women are almost pleased or flattered when a man in his thirties does this. You shouldn't be flattered. It should be expected. HE'S A MAN. I am perfectly capable of doing the above myself but a real gentleman would never even think to have me do such a thing. To treat a woman like a LADY is the norm with a man in his sixties.
2. They don't play games. A man in his sixties is not going to wait five years or even two to commit. At this point in the game, they have their shit together and they know what they want. If they want you they're not going to make you question it. At this point in their lives most realize how fast it goes by and if you are their priority, they're going to make you know it real quick. My ex was 64, told me he loved me first, changed his Facebook status to "In a Relationship" first, and spoke about our serious future together before I did. He did all of this without any hints or prodding on my part. The bullshit factor dramatically declines as the years of their age rise.
3. They are more thoughtful. I can speak from experience; more often than not, you will get flowers when he comes to pick you up. You will get thoughtful bouquets after a romantic evening. You will get texts during the day saying "I love you" or telling you how special you are. Leaving love notes in your purse for you to find later is another common trait of a more mature man…..just because.
4. They have their shit together. They have already reached the heights of their careers so you won't be a work widow. I love smart and ambitious men. This has led me to a lot of 30-something workaholics. A smart and ambitious man in his sixties is not spending so much time at the office. He's spending more time and attention on your relationship.
5. He will be proud to be with you. Most guys in their thirties think they're doing YOU a favor by holding your hand and saying that you look beautiful. A man in his sixties will insist on holding your hand and tell you several times over how lucky he feels to be with you. What girl doesn't want that?
VIA HARPERBAZAAR
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