There are some days in the calendar that we should all be made to wear danger signals. Days when we have moods as dark as the stormy clouds and are like bombs just waiting for the right trigger to go off. One of the greatest lessons I learnt from my mother is never to put things in writing when in a bad mood; she was of the opinion that whatever you can’t say to someone’s face should never be said at all.
I have for that reason never written a “dear John letter” (it’s a letter breaking off a relationship when you don’t have the courage to face the person) or sent anyone any venomous message.
On this particular day, I had received a rather rude text and was debating whether to answer in the throes of fury or do what I normally would have done and just ignored the irritation. Unfortunately I was having one of those days when rage becomes a seductive poison.
Not long after, my landline rings and I pick up the phone to hear a voice I know pretend to be someone else. My reply apparently sent fear down the caller’s spine as I heard later but it was quite simple.
“Don’t try me today. Not today, piss me off any other day but today” I had said before hanging up.
I actually hadn’t given the call much thought and went back to debating whether I should send a stinker of a reply to the sender of the text message that had come earlier when I realised I was getting myself into a state of rage.
Normally I do a rain check when I find myself in a terrible mood and the first thing I did was investigate my belly. My mood can most times be improved greatly by a good meal and a great night’s sleep.
A nagging headache that had defied 2 painkillers had cancelled the sleep of the night before, my left eye could barely open as my head was still aching and the worms in my belly were about devouring my intestines from hunger; yes; I was about to explode alright!
It’s actually very wise to check for underlying factors when we get ourselves worked up; so we can avoid doing some serious but unnecessary damage.
On any other day, I would have said hello to the caller and appreciated the fact that people can sometimes be unsure when nervous and just blurt out nonsense without thought and probably sent a firm and still polite reply to the irritating text but not just on that day. On that day, having a hissy fit was the most attractive option; given all the mitigating factors.
Not too long ago, I had read a book where the author stressed the importance of never putting too much premium on feelings /emotions especially those of anger and irritation.
Feelings come and go and they are normally fuelled by factors that have very little to do with the event that lead to the explosion or breakdown. Becoming a parent is one reason to have some control over our feelings or we may become monsters who abuse their wards when we lash out at innocent children without provocation.
I can’t claim to be completely anger free but I certainly have more control over my emotions now than I did when I was younger; in those days I would never have bothered to check for underlying factors, I would just have erupted and to hell with the consequences. Speaking to a friend later on about the day I’d had, I found myself reasoning for a day off!
I wanted a day to vent, we both debated the merits of letting our mouths rip and telling a few people off. Wouldn’t it be great to just drop politeness, courtesy and etiquette for a day and let my baser feelings loose? Before long we were laughing out loud; especially as we imagined the looks on the faces on some of those who thought we were quite reserved and proper!
There is a rein that keeps most of us on the straight and narrow, for me that is Christ and I would hate to do something that would have people question my faith. So if I have to grit my teeth and be polite when sorely provoked, I will.
I cannot let myself be the bastard child who brings disrepute to her Father. I am also working on the sin of pride, I figure if I make myself of no reputation like Jesus, I would no longer be quick to take offence at things.
On this note I should Confess that I am work in progress or there would be no need for the article and the day.
To God be the glory the day ended on a good note; without the factors of hunger and a headache all was back to normal. In as much as anger is not a great feeling or emotion it is a monster that can be tamed. The trick is not to do or say anything while in its grip.
On days like that, it would be great to calm down, pray, spend time listening to great music, have a good meal and getting a really good belly laugh by any means necessary.
It is possible to feel trapped in a strait jacket of expectations to be nice even when people take undue advantage and are rude, feelings can be hurt, after all we are only human.
So I had my day, luckily I didn’t snap anyone’s head off and apart from sounding like a serial killer on the phone, virtually no damage was done; it was just one of those damn days, one very sorry day…
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