I am an Ajebutter. Not by birth, or by formings, or by swag – I am simply an unapologetic Ajebutter by default. I didn’t choose to be born one. God, without seeking my opinion (because He’s God, I guess), gave me the genes of an Ajebutter and a funny Bri-Merican accent . By luck or some twisted work of fate, fortune, Karma (I might have killed ten defenseless puppies in my past life) or destiny, I have found myself in Lagos, crazy Lasgidi, and this is my story…
So we have Ebola in Lagos now. And thanks to all these bloggers who know nothing about the killer disease other than what they copy from other sites, everybody is scared shitless. Sanitizer has become the new crude oil, with the prices jacking up like it was drilled from the Niger Delta.
As for me, an Ajebutter, I know the full truth about this virus, having read and studied all its various forms and modes of transmission. I know how to get the virus into my system, and I also know the ways in which I can exist far from it. Other Ajebutters know this, and since we roll in a circle, we are not scared. Neither will we panic and fear, drink salt, and bathe Maggi. Shout out to Toke Makinwa.
But for the Agberos, and all the other people that exist along those lines. People whose deepest daily reading is Linda Ikeji, or Naijabambam.com, then they have a deep problem. They aren't just prisoners of fear, they are worshippers of Ebola. They fear Ebola more than God...or worse, the devil. Sanitizer has become their new drug. In fact, they made the prices of that commodity increase.
A typical Agbero in Lagos will walk into any shop and have the following conversation.
“Madam well done o. You get that Ebola mericine? That water wey you go use wash hand so that Ebola no go attack your body?”
The woman replies, “Oh yes o, E dey”. Nd sensing a profit, she goes for the killer punch. “Na N5000 last. The thing dey cost for market”.
The poor Agbero, dumb beyond reason, begins to pay his hard end cash. After working all day in the sun, doing some mindless grunt work such as heavy lifting, chasing after vehicles, 'shadowing' bus passengers, and 'taxing' people by the bus stops, he relinquishes all his money to the almighty sanitizer.
I have seen this happen countless times, and it bleeds my heart. But I can't prevent it from happening or campaign against it because it's bigger than the creation of awareness. It's a systemic problem. Ignorance isn't a situation in Nigeria. It's a natural phenomenon. And Ebola is just the latest in a series of misinterpretation.
Well, every Mallam to his kettle, every Agbero to his weed, and every Ajebutter to his Android phone.
But here's the truth. Ebola cannot be prevented by sanitizers, neither are hand sanitizers vaccines for the virus. It's just a conscious effort by we all to improve on personal hygiene, and create a conducive enviroment for good health to thrive. Thanks Ebola, for making us all realise that.
But I have an idea. Maybe we can create the cure with sanitizers. Perhaps if we go to T.B Joshua and get some holy prayers into our sanitizers, then we can have 'Holy Sanitizer'. With a little faith, we can cure this Ebola in Lagos.
Baba God, send down your sanitizers.
See you next Tuesday. Peace & Good Hustle. Stay Ebola free
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