Smile a lot. Touch his arm. Compliment him. Mirror his physical movements. Twirl your hair. We've all heard these flirting tips before, and they're all actually pretty effective (yeah, even that dumb hair-twirling trick).
But what if you hate flirting --that way? What if you think it's intimidating, or just "not you," but you still want to attract that cute guy?
Do it anyway -- but your way. At its essence, it's just about connecting to someone you're attracted to in a way that shows them you're really, really interested. And what's wrong with that? Here's a few ways to flirt that won't make you feel like a faker.
1. Make eye contact -- and hold it. Forget that rule about making eye contact for five seconds and then looking away. "No, you don't look away. You continue to stare," says an anonymous dating maven in a Psychology Today. "Gaze deep into their eyes. It doesn't even matter if you're paying attention to what they're saying." Holding eye contact for longer than a few seconds "makes the other person feel like you're really listening and being attentive. It's a very intimate thing."
2. Play with yourself. Still feel like that hair twirling trick makes you look like a ditz? You can grab his attention by touching yourself a myriad of different ways. Just make sure your hand goes more or less where you want his to ... eventually. Stroke your thigh, slowly. Rub your hands up and down your arms. Run your fingers over your collar bone. Want to take it up a notch? Here's a tip from Cosmo: Conspicuously adjust a sexy article of clothing. "Step off the dance floor and quickly adjust one of your thigh-high stockings."
3. Channel another sexy woman you admire.
How would Beyonce flirt? How would Jessica Simpson flirt? "When you're first learning the skills, think of a character that might flirt really well and take on some of those qualities," says dating and relationship expert Dr. Sheri Meyers.
4. Practice flirting.
You practice so many other things -- why not rehearse your flirting skillsbefore using them in real life? Try it with a good friend who will give you honest and useful feedback.
5. Complain about something together.
Use this one with caution as you don't want to come across as a generally negative person. But if you find yourself stuck at a boring function, or waiting in line, find a humorous way to commiserate together. Make jokes about whatever you're suffering through. This will help you feel like you're on the same team -- it's bonding.
6. Tease him. Gently! Light teasing shows you're playful and that you're paying attention to him.
7. Notice when he's flirting with you. Part of flirting is listening closely and paying attention to the cues he's sending. So try and pick up on the signs that he's trying to flirt with you. Did you know that when men talk to women they find attractive, their voices get deeper and more sing-songy? (Meaning the pitch of their voice goes up and down more.) It's all part of the fun dance.
8. Keep flirting even after you've won his heart. Keep the romance alive -- there's no reason to stop once you're a couple. One of the key ingredients to a happy relationship is a playful, flirtatious attitude. Never stop.
Flirting Mistakes You Don't Want To Make!
Flirting comes pretty naturally to a lot of us - we've been doing it so long it's hard to remember how not to flirt. Others, well, we're not so great at flirting, which means we do stupid things when we try our darnedest to catch the eye of that one guy across the bar from you.
It happens. Mistakes happen.
Here are of the most common flirting mistakes.
1) Filling the empty silences with blabber
about nothing. I'm hugely prone to this one - I hate silence, so I chatter through it. Instead of doing that, simply let the silence be.
2) Acting bitchy.
Dudes don't dig bitchy women. So rather than complaining about your job, your roommate, your best friend's sister's boyfriend's girlfriend, be positive about your life. It's a good one!
3) Going on and on about yourself.
You know you're fab, and if you let him talk about himself for a while, he'll know it too.
4) Being oblivious to boundaries.
Personal boundaries are super important. Don't go out there expecting that each guy you meet is "The One," and therefore you should know everything about him, including date of birth, social security number, work ID number, etc. Give it time and don't invade anyone's space.
5) Talking about your exes.
We all have 'em. Most of 'em suck (which is WHY they're exes). But if you go on and on about an old boyfriend, the guy you're crushing on is TOTALLY going to think you're still into him.
6) Staring at him.
Looking at the guy appreciatively is no biggie, but when you just stare? He's probably going to get sicked out. It's creepy.
7) Getting too touchy-feely.
If you're flirting with him, a casual hand on the arm for a couple of seconds is good. What's NOT good is to feel the guy up. It's not sexy on a first date.
8) Giving away too much too soon.
Giving away too much too soon goes along pretty closely with personal boundaries, but it's slightly different. If you give the guy everything you ever want him to know without leaving any room for mystery, you're probably not going to get him knocking at your door to come back in.
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